I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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