we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
