So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
