I wish my penis had an off switch
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
