I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I haven't been this sober since birth.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Blood and glitter go together right?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
