writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
