My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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