"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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