I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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