Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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