i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
