I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
