do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
