im drinking this country out of the recession.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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