I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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