Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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