But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
