I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
