just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
