A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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