Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
