How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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