I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
