i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
