the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
