porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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