end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
