you guys were way drunker than both of me
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
