I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
