please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
