So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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