He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
