I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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