Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
