Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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