I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
