Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
