I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
