you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
