College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
birth control should be required to get into college
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
