A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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