yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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