he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
