I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
