Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
