People with herpes should wear stickers.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Randomize
