she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
