Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
