I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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