My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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