I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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